Things have been pretty quiet here at The Last Muggle recently, but I haven’t forgotten about all you wizard-loving muggles. Have a Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Awesome Winter Solstice and we will jump back into our re-read of Goblet of Fire after all the presents are opened, egg nog is drained, and stockings are unhung from the chimney (with care).
Until then, I have to ask:
I recently heard someone refer to the Harry Potter films as Christmas movies.
Do you agree?
Yikes! It’s been a while. But we’re back with our Great Re-Read of Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire, Chapter 10 (I didn’t forget about you).
A good deal of damage control is going on in this chapter, with Mr. Weasley all but setting up camp at the Ministry to deal with backlash from the Quidditch World Cup Dark Mark fiasco. While folks like Percy thrive on this sort of chaos and clearly view the resulting mayhem as a means by which to brown nose their way to the top, Mr. Weasley is perfectly content as middle management and has little interest in spending late nights responding to Rita Skeeter’s fantasy columns. But in the midst of all this confusion, Harry is able to slip off with Ron and Hermione and explain the letter he is waiting Sirius to send – a letter which will instruct him what to do about his scar hurting in his sleep.
I’m not here to talk about Harry’s scar, though. I’m not even here to talk about Mr. Weasley’s overtime at the Ministry. The thing that jumped out at me this chapter is how wizards use the Owl Post and why.
(Seriously, that’s what jumped out at me).
Communicating in the Harry Potter Universe
THE OWL POST
This is essentially a wizard version of the Pony Express on wings. Wizards can hire owls to carry letters and packages around the globe. The size and strength of the owl, the distance of the journey, and the weather impact how long it takes for a letter or package sent by Owl Post to arrive at its destination. While there is an elaborate system of Owls, both public and privately owned, commissioned to deliver messages, there seems to be no system to determine when letters will arrive. That said, no directions are necessary.
Overall Rating:
Expense: Poor (you either need to pay an owl to carry your letter or pay the upkeep on your own personal owl)
Efficiency: Poor (What if it rains? What if your owl sprains a wing? You really have no idea when your letter will arrive. Try paying bills that way!)
Convenience: High (You don’t even need a proper address to send a letter via the Owl Post. All you need is a name and an eager owl).
Practicality: Moderate (It’s an easy system to use, but not a very quick one. If you have the time to wait, it’s probably worth your while. The same can be said for the Muggle Postal Service).
THE FLOO NETWORK
Never said it was pretty...
If the wizard you want to contact happens to have a fireplace nearby and that fireplace happens to be on the Floo Network, this is a quick and easy means of getting in touch with them. The Floo Network allows for three different levels of communication: You can physically transport yourself and deliver your message in person, you can transport just your head and speak the message from the fireplace (like wizard Skype), or you can send letters and packages through the Network, just like a person.
Overall Rating:
Expense: Low (all you need is Floo Powder and a fireplace, but if you don’t have a fireplace, the expense obviously spikes)
Efficiency: Moderate (the person you are trying to reach has to be there to answer your call, or you’ll just be a burning head in a fireplace with no one to talk to)
Convenience: Low (your fireplace has to be on the Floo Network, as does the fireplace of the wizard you’re trying to reach. You can also assume your conversation is being monitored)
Practicality: Moderate (it’s a system that works, but it doesn’t seem to be a favorite of wizards, who would rather wait for the Owl Post or try something that doesn’t rely on the presence of a fireplace)
APPARATION
Why send a letter when you can send your whole self? Assuming you aren’t trying to send a letter to or from Hogwarts, you could simply apparate to the home of whoever you are trying to reach and deliver your message in person. This only works for wizards who have successfully earned their Apparation License.
Overall Rating:
Expense: Low (assuming you’ve been properly trained as a wizard)
Efficiency: High (assuming you physically want to see the person you are sending a letter or package and know where they are)
Convenience: Moderate (it’s arguably the quickest means of delivering a message, but again, you will have to see whoever you contacting, or at least run the risk of seeing them)
Practicality: Low (who really wants to dart all over the place every time they have a letter to deliver? Besides, you can only apparate over a certain distance, so if you’re using this as a means of getting a letter to a distant location faster than your owl, you’re going to be pretty disappointed)
PATRONUS
Dumbledore developed a way to communicate with the Patronus charm and it proved a highly secure means of sending messages. While the details of developing a Patronus that can carry out a message or a task are not described to the students at Hogwarts and neither Harry, Ron, nor Hermione ever attempt to communicate in this way, Dumbledore, Snape, McGonagall, and Shacklebolt make use of this tool.
Overall Rating:
Expense: Low (theoretically, it only costs the price of a wand)
Efficiency: High (if properly cast, a Patronus will successfully carry a message without interruption)
Convenience: Moderate (a Patronus cannot deliver a package or a letter, so it’s more like a telegram than anything else)
Practicality: Low (casting a Patronus charm is highly advanced magic, and casting one that can carry a message is even more difficult still. One would have to be a remarkably talented wizard to even attempt this means of communication)
What is your preferred means of Wizard Communication?
It’s a sign of the times that I blindly assumed I’d have internet access during my recent trip to New Orleans. I was staying in a Sheraton, for goodness sake! But my Macbook had a fundamental issue with connected to the wireless that was supposedly in my room. So I gave up and went out to explore New Orleans instead and I can report that: 1) Bourbon Street is crazy, 2) New Orleans has some of the best food I’ve ever tasted, and 3) Sheraton lobbies smell funny.
Now I’m back, ready for some more Goblet of Fire re-reading awesomeness.
If you look closely, you can find Jack Sparrow!
When last we spoke about GoF, the trio and assorted Weasleys were enjoying the Quidditch World Cup and Amos Diggory was being a jerkface (that’s a technical term). That brings us to Chapter 9: The Dark Mark, where we get the distinct impression that the Ministry is going to do everything in its power to give the impression everything is happy and safe in wizardland, even if that means lying through their teeth.
The Dark Mark appears above the Quidditch campsite and several muggles are tortured by rebel-rousing Death Eaters, and who do Barty Crouch and Amos Diggory try to blame? Three fourth years and a house elf.
First of all, if ever there were three wizards who had absolutely and utterly no reason to send up the Dark Mark, it would be Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Ron is related to multiple Ministry employees, Hermione is muggle-born, and oh yeah, Harry’s parents were killed by Voldy. That leaves Winky, a house elf so loyal, she faces her fear of heights to sit in Barty Crouch’s box seat at the World Cup, not to mention she couldn’t possibly have the skill or know-how to cast such a difficult spell.
What seems more likely to you: three kids with absolutely no motivation sent up the Dark Mark, or the spell was cast by a house elf with no capability to do so?
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Denial: it’s not just a river in Egypt.
You have to love how incompetent everyone at the Ministry seems to be – at least everyone in positions of great power. As Ron would put it, the Ministry is just a “load of duffers”.
Maybe it’s an erroneous assumption, but I’m going to guess that there are many Harry Potter fans out there who have fallen for Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games. I’m always a little late to the party, if you haven’t noticed, but I caught up with this series over the summer, just in time to anxiously await the first film. And by “caught up” I mean devoured with my jaw hanging open.
After a lackluster teaser clip a few months ago, we finally have a complete trailer. Check it out below:
What do you think? You’re pretty accustomed to amazing books being turned into films at this point, what with the 7-books-turned-8-movies deal you’ve been through with Harry Potter. Some of you may even be Twilight fans (why? for the love of all that is literature, why?) We all know what it’s like when a book is turned into an amazing movie (Deathly Hallows) and when a movie all but destroys our favorite story (Goblet of Fire).
Do you think The Hunger Games will live up?
Right now, I’m a little worried they are gunning for the Twihard contingency. While I haven’t watched more that a few minutes of any Twilight movie at a time (because I can’t stomach all that angst – it makes Half-Blood Prince look downright jolly), I can tell you it’s not a paramount of fine film making. For all their faults, at least I’m comfortable calling the Harry Potter films “films”.
Do you think The Hunger Games will earn that distinction, or will the cinematic journey into the arena leave fans cold?
If you’re missing any copies from the Harry Potter film series, better ask for them this holiday season. Clearly that’s what Warner Bros. wants you to do, because they’ve ensured you won’t be seeing copies of those DVDs and Blue-Ray Discs again for quite some time.
ALL HARRY POTTER FILMS WILL BE LOCKED IN THE W.B. VAULT AFTER DECEMBER 29, 2011.
(cue the folks at Disney pouting over W.B. stealing their idea)
This is how you milk the cash cow, ladies and gentlemuggles: You pull all the widely distributed and vastly popular films off the shelves to tip supply and demand in your favor, then in a year or two you release a Super Awesome Splediferic DVD set, which becomes the only way to buy the films. Oh yeah, and charge a few hundred dollars for it.
Cha-ching!
As someone who doesn’t own a single Harry Potter film (I just borrow from others or turn on HBO – it’s always on HBO), this leaves me in a bit of a predicament. Do I stock up on the 8-film series now, or do I wait until they come out in a Super Grand Supreme box set?
It's about to become a lot more difficult to get that copy of "Sorcerer's Stone" your film collection is missing
What about people who already own the other films? Are they even interested in throwing down however many galleons for the Super Duper Ta-Da Whoopee box set?
Is it worth the investment to see little Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson become teenage Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson, and eventually young adult Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson, set to a John William score and complimented by praising interviews with J.K. Rowling, British film royalty, and a bunch of dudes named David?
Cause that’s what you’re probably going to get.
But it all goes back to supply and demand. By removing the supply, W.B. is creating demand for something that otherwise may lose its commercial thunder.
So what do you think? Will you stock up on Harry Potter films before December 29th or wait until the vault is reopened?
And do you think standing outside W.B. studios speaking in parseltongue, with a small child dressed as a goblin, will release the films from the vault any faster?
Wizards, Muggles, Blog Readers, lend me your Extendable Ears! I need your help.
You may remember from previous entries that I have two younger sisters: a 24-year-old avid Harry Potter fan and a 15-year-old Twihard (what can I say? mama raised us nerdy).
My 24-year-old sis just received word that her proposal to start and counsel a Harry Potter summer camp session at a local community college has been accepted. She will be welcoming groups of 10 to 13-year-olds to Hogwarts this summer.
She already has a bunch of ideas to make this day camp as magical as possible for her little wizards. For example, she has decided that each Hogwarts first-year will receive his or her very own wand. (Side note: check out these AMAZING instructions for making your own wand at home).
So this is where you come in!
What activities would you suggest for a Harry Potter summer camp?
As I mentioned before, she already has some great ideas (and has sadly reminded me I’m too old to attend – very disappointing). She’s an excellent teacher and really passionate about making this the best experience possible for the kids (she’s a Gryffinclaw, if you will). I would love to present her with some activity ideas straight from Harry Potter fans like you.
Be creative and have fun. The only bad suggestion is the one you don’t make!
Here we are in Goblet of Fire, Chapter 8, and you know what? Amos Diggory is being a jerk.
I know, I know. No one wants to kick the guy who loses his only son (I’m assuming Cedric doesn’t have any supernaturally nice, perfectly coiffed siblings – correct me if I’m wrong). But with a dad like Amos, you have to wonder where Cedric got his charm. Mrs. Diggory must have the people skills of a seasoned diplomat.
I'm a dislikable human being, but you're forced to feel bad for me at the end of the book. Fiction is cruel. Deal with it!
Amos is at best, irksome. At worst, infuriating. We’ll come to find later in the book that he has a tendency to say things akin to “My son is gonna whoop your derriere” whenever Harry is around. I can sort of forgive that faux pas. He’s a proud father and his son is representing Hogwarts in the Triwizard Tournament. Amos’ adoration for his boy is almost endearing (“That’s my son! That’s my boy! It’s my boy!” – did I just make you sad?)
What gets to me about Amos is how he treats Winky. I’m not about to join Hermione’s S.P.E.W. campaign (she goes a little off the deep end with that one), but as an employee of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, you’d think he’d have a bit more sympathy for an elf.
Or maybe not! Maybe years of keeping Beasts, Spirits, Goblins, Centaurs, and other magical non-humans at bay has hardened him. Have one too many run-ins with an angry Centaur and you’re bound to lose some of your compassion.
Still, Amos’ cruelty to Winky brings up the whole House-Elves issue in the Harry Potter universe. I don’t really want to go there now because it takes away from my Amos Diggory whining, but it’s pretty atrocious how elves are treated by mostly everyone.
That doesn’t excuse Amos, of course. I just recognize that blaming an elf for something a wizard did is nothing new. There’s no logic to Amos’ accusations – Winky wouldn’t know how to cast the Dark Mark even if she wanted to – just as there’s no logic to Barty Crouch firing her (or rather “giving her clothes”).
What do you think? Is Amos a jerk? Do you understand where he’s coming from? Does it bug you that he’s far more likable in the film than he is in the book?
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I know I’m moving a little slower these days with the re-read, but remember to read along. We’re into Chapter 9 next!
